I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
