Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
