That's intense
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
