you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
