he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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