I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
