just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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