He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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