if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
