just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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