I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
