who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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