He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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