If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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