3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
