if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
