Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
