Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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