i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
