apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
