That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i out mim tonsoeep
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