i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
