the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't put those talents on a resume
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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