Your face is a jimmy john
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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