we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
