I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
