i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
