I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
