their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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