i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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