i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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