Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
