plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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