So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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