I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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