Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
then he tried to convert me to islam
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
