I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
