He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
