glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
