Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
