I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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