Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
