you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This is my life. Enjoy the view
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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