like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
