i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
