if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Bring me that man meat
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
