Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The adults are the big ones right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
