Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
