She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
