Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
