im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
