he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
