please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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